Ok, so I’ve heard it all! Being in this industry you really do have to have a pretty thick skin sometimes when it comes to the misunderstandings and downright ignorant beliefs that exist when it comes to ‘sleep training’ your baby.

Some think it means shutting the door on your 9 week old baby for 12 hours. Some think it means stopping night-time feeds and just staying out of the room until the baby ‘learns’ to sleep.
Some parents think it means that their parenting concerns will be completely ignored while the sleep consultant takes over their house for a week. I’ve heard it all……

And I do have a thick skin, because I feel very safe and comfortable in the knowledge that how I help babies and families is kind and gentle and has everyone’s best interests at heart. But my first priority is to help teach a baby to get the sleep that their little bodies and brains need so much.

Sleep is not a luxury it is a human necessity!

Here is my philosophy of what sleep teaching really means and what I have found actually works for most families…

1. ‘Sleeping through the night’ is a misnomer

When a mum says to me ‘I just want my baby to be able to sleep through the night’, I get it. She wants a good chunk of restorative sleep for her baby.

But in reality no-one actually sleeps all through the night. Babies, and adults alike wake up several times during the night and we are able to put ourselves back to sleep again.
These wakeups are called nocturnal arousals and they are mostly so quick that we don’t even remember waking up. We just roll over and go back to sleep again.
A baby or toddler will only be able to put themselves back to sleep again at night if they are able to fall asleep for bedtime and naps independently.

Sleeping through the night can mean different things depending on the age of the baby. For example, for a baby in the newborn stage, 5-6 hours straight of sleeping is considered fantastic and they would generally not be able to go for longer that this without a feed.
For older babies it may be more like 8-9 hours. But what they are capable of is very age dependent and of course closely linked to their own self settling ability.

2. Working on a baby’s sleep does not mean we don’t feed them overnight

This is another common misconception about sleep training. That we just remove the need for feeding. No way!
I could never imagine not feeding my baby when they were hungry. The fact is that newborns will need 2-3 feeds overnight.
As bub grows and reaches about 4 months it will generally lower to 1-2 feeds. This then usually becomes more like one feed overnight somewhere between 5-7 months.
There are many factors that will determine how many feeds they need and if you have been advised by your paediatrician or doctor to feed more then of course you must.
The trap that I find many parents getting into is constantly feeding them overnight because they are scared that they might be hungry when in reality they are just relying on the feeding to be able to fall back to sleep and it isn’t hunger at all.

3. Sleep consultants don’t invade your home and stay all night

This in another common sleep training misconception. That the sleep consultant has to come to your home overnight and stay all night. Apparently in that one night they are able to work their magic and miraculously teach your baby to sleep all through the night.

Teaching always takes more than one night….

I can’t speak for all consultants, but for me this is definitely not how it works. I much prefer to have one in-person or over the phone/video conference in the day time.
I gather all the information I need from the mum/dad in that time and come up with a plan for them based on their babies needs and their parenting style.
I give lots of follow up phone support to really answer all their questions and guide them carefully to success across a couple of weeks.
The best consultants should be available for heavy follow up support and not just see you for one night and then leave you to it….

4. Sleep training does not equal ‘cry it out’

Now here’s the big one!

By far the most common misconception when it comes to helping your baby learn to sleep is that you will be required to leave your baby to ‘CIO’(use the cry it out method).

To be honest I find this a really old fashioned way of thinking.

There are many tools in our tool box when it comes to teaching a baby to sleep better and CIO isn’t one of them.
Firstly, you need to look at sleep environment, naps and nap timings, feeds and feed timings, awake windows, bedtimes etc… and then we look at a technique to help them learn to sleep.

There are many ways we can support our baby while they learn to sleep. And the word support is the key. Because I do believe they need to be supported while they learn this new skill.
In my extensive experience working with babies, protesting during sleep teaching is communication of frustration and tiredness. And babies are allowed to communicate this. They are simply not getting the sleep associations that they are used to and they protest that change. That’s ok……

Supporting them as much as needed, as well as allowing them some space to have dominion over their little bodies is the key to quickly learning to fall asleep on their own.

5. You cannot sleep train a newborn

That’s right, they are just too young and not cognitively or developmentally capable of learning to fall asleep without assistance everytime.

Newborn sleep is very unstructured. They often go for long periods in deep sleep and then light sleep.
They are not capable of following a nap routine, and rather, their day flows along in a cycle of feeding, awake windows and sleep.
Trying to get them to follow a ridged routine or sleep for an expected amount of time will only end in frustration.

However, it does not mean that we can’t prepare our newborns for healthy sleep habits and set them up well in this stage to become great little sleepers. It just doesn’t involve ‘sleep training’.
It’s not until more like 16 weeks plus that if needed we can teach them to sleep really well with the fastest results.

For me sleep training is really teaching the skill to a baby or toddler of learning to fall asleep independently. It is a lifelong essential skill that will ensure your little one gets the sleep that they biologically need and that allows the parents to get the rest that they need as well.

It is respectful, gentle, and always should be done in strong collaboration with the parents.

It is a gift and I feel very lucky to be able to help teach and guide babies and families.

If you have any questions or need any help with teaching your baby this skill, contact me at http://www.afterthestork.com.au

This is a question I get asked A LOT!

Parents do get excited, naturally, about moving their little one to the next stage, from cot to big bed.

But how do you know when is the right time? What are the things you need to consider?

The answer is that there is a right time and rushing this transition can lead to erratic bedtimes, broken sleep, nap protesting and early mornings. None of which sounds very appealing, am I right?

So here’s what you need to know…

In a nutshell, aim to delay this transition for as long as possible. Toddlers have absolutely no impulse control and moving them into a big bed too early can be a recipe for disaster.
I generally recommend waiting until 3 years of age when they will be better at staying in bed.

Often parents will move their toddler to a big bed if they are expecting another baby. They feel that they are being organised and freeing up the cot in readiness for baby number two. This often means that toddlers are moved when they are still very young.

In this scenario often parents forget that the cot provides a physical barrier for their toddler. When we take away that physical barrier, they are not mature enough, nor can we expect them to be, to stay in their beds. Once they work out that they can easily get out and come and chat to you, believe me, they will! And I mean at any time of the night, for all different reasons.

So, don’t rush it…..

A couple of other things to consider

I recommend you keep using a sleeping bag for your toddler for as long as possible. Sleeping bags make it harder for a toddler to try and climb out and are a great deterrent. Also, it is important to remember that not all cots are the same. Some of them, on their lowest level, are not very low at all! This can mean that the usability timeframe of the cot is shorter because your growing toddler will be able to easily climb out of it sooner than you would ideally like.

In these situations I recommend getting a bit handy and actually removing the slats and dropping the cot mattress right down and putting it on the floor. Yes, it may look a little silly, but it can buy you six months more cot time, especially with a tall toddler.

Reasons for moving your child to a bed

It might be time for your child to move to a bed if:

• Your child has started climbing out of the cot. Anytime you see your little one trying to get that leg over the top railing, you’ve got a climber on your hands and for safety reasons you need to move them.
• Your toddler has begun toilet training and you want them to be able to walk easily to the toilet.
• You have a new baby who needs the cot.
• You’ve been co-sleeping and have decided to move your child out of your bed and into their own bed.

Bedroom Safety 

Another important consideration is that once you move your toddler to their big bed, they will be able to get out of bed anytime, wander around their bedroom and do anything they want. Therefore it’s super important to make their bedroom safe.
A safety check of the bedroom will help to prevent accidents. For example:

• Install safety locks on windows, and make sure that they don’t open wide enough for your toddler to be able to climb out.
• Make sure all curtain and blind cords are safe and attached to a wall and keep hanging mobiles out of your child’s reach.Use powerpoint covers. Ensure electrical appliances like heaters meet Australian safety standards.
• Bookshelves or any heavy furniture that a child could easily pull down onto themselves needs to be attached to the wall with brackets.
• Keep choking hazards and anything poisonous out of the bedroom – for example, massage oil, medicines, cleaning fluids or small objects like batteries and coins.
• Take away anything your child could climb on, like chairs and ladders.
• Think about installing a safety gate in the doorway of your child’s room. Or you could shut the door at night, as long as you can still hear them. Otherwise you’ll need to make sure the rest of the house is safe for your child as well, in case they get up during the night.

Settling into the new bed

Moving your child from a cot to a bed is exciting. You can foster this sense of excitement by making it a positive time for them. Tell tell them how proud of them you are and remind them that they are now such a big girl/boy and ready for their big bed!
Letting them help set up the big bed is always a fun way to get them invested in the change. Allow them to help select the new doona cover and pillow etc (take them shopping with you to pick it out) and perhaps let them have one of their blankets from their cot to take over as well.

Many big beds will need to have a safety rail for a while, just to stop your child falling out of bed. If this is something you are concerned about, just switch them to a mattress on the floor for a few months so at least if they roll off the mattress they will not hurt themselves.
Ultimately children feel happier if they are allowed to be involved in the move, and are encouraged to be proud of this exciting transition. It’s a fun step towards your child being a big kid!

Enjoy this exciting new chapter!